Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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