I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
