i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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