apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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