you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
