oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
