You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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