Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Please don't give away my fajitas
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