my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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