so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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