I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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