saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
