maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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