Im at strip club and am horny
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
