Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
