Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
