let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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