she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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