think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
