Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
