She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
3pm strippers are depressing
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
