I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
