Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
