Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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