HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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