you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
FUCK WHALES
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
