I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
People in love make me want to vomit
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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