you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
