I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
