I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
