so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm like, not good at living.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
