My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
