i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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