so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
