Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
