I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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