Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
