then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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