dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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