dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
