dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i think i have two assholes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
