From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
