If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
