Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
