we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize