there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
