Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
