If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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