walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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