The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
