24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
