oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize