my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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