god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize