New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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