all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Vodka?
Forever.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
