Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
