I will die if light touches me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
