They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
