my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
