I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
