return my video game
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
