So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
